Thank You and Some Thoughts

I want to say thank you again very much for all your prayers for me and your blog comments, emails, and cards to encourage me. They have all been wonderful reminders of how blessed I am to have so many Christian, praying people as friends and coworkers.

Can I take this blog post and just be very transparent? I hesitate in knowing how much I should put out here for the whole world to see if they want to stop by this blog. But if being honest and open about some personal things can hopefully bring glory to God and help encourage others in their walk with Him, then I’ll be an open book. :) And since the top of our page does say “into the lives". . . .

I still hurt quite a bit over losing our baby. It’s not the same heart-crushing feeling I experienced in the first several days after it happened, but the intensity of my hurt and the roller coaster of emotions do still surprise me. Sometimes I feel just fine, but sometimes I want to be super busy to fill my mind with anything but the painful, wistful thoughts that threaten to consume me; sometimes I want to wallow in self-pity; sometimes I long for heaven and my baby so badly that I selfishly beg Jesus to come back immediately and make all things right; sometimes I’m filled with guilt because I think of all my blessings and how much worse things could be for me and our family and how much worse they are for some people. And sometimes, okay often , I just think, Life is too hard! I’ve prayed that over and over in the past few weeks, Life is too hard, God! I hurt and there are so many other people hurting in different ways. There’s just too much sin and evil and pain here. How do you expect us to survive in this world? What if worse things happen to me? I won’t be able to handle it. LIFE IS TOO HARD!

And when I take the time to listen, God has been quietly speaking to my heart through His Word, mostly with scripture in 2 Corinthians (especially here), that I’m right about this: life on earth IS too hard. Sin has made it that way. And I can’t handle it.

But thankfully He can.

So that’s where I am right now, learning in a new way how I must depend on God to get through this temporary life to make it to eternal glory. I’m also reading two books that were recommended and given to me by friends who’ve lost babies. So far I think these are great and would recommend them to others who need them: Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg and Empty Arms by Pam Vredevelt.

I’ll end this with a couple of photos of the flowers we planted in honor of our little one waiting on us in heaven. Thanks for letting me share here. I pray you might be encouraged in some way and remember this scripture when you’re feeling overwhelmed that life is too hard, too:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18